Motivation

- Disclaimer- The point of this post is not to get compliments, or false motivation to do well. This post is simply my thought process of what I am doing with my life.

I have been all sorts of confused and stressed lately. Poor Tyler gets to deal with it.

It was a year ago that I was up at Utah State going into education and really enjoying the prospects of being a teacher. I enjoyed the subject I was studying but I don't think that it was the right field of study for me. I didn't feel like a had the skill set necessary to succeed in teaching that subject... I loved photography and learning more about it, and ultimately that is the main reason I switched schools. I had the drive to excel!

So, now here I am at UVU going into digital media, and I honestly feel so under qualified. I have a passion for photography, and love learning everything I can about it. I want to continue to learn more, and really become a great photographer. I love talking about it, and explaining how it all works.

But... I am looking at the work that I have done thus far, and yeah sure it's good but I don't know if I have the talent necessary to achieve the goals that I have set before myself. I have the passion to push me there. But- I am looking at myself, and my work and really wondering if I have what it takes. I look at my photos from two years ago and there is no question that I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was before but is that enough. I don't put myself in the category of, "wow, look at her photos; she is great."

I knew that when I switched to this career it was far from stable, and so that is another consideration I have been thinking about.... I have thought about going into education to get my teaching certificate because I think it would be so much fun to teach photography and hopefully spark a passion for photography in someone else.

Thoughts though- How would I go about doing that? Would I be qualified (I do NOT want to be one of those teachers that fit under the category of "those who can't do, teach") Also, how much more school would I have to go through to become a teacher? Is that really what I want to do, or am I just using it as a copout?

So, school-work-goals-photography-life are all spinning around in my head. I have my main goals of having a family, and having that as my main priority but how do I work in all of my goals together? How do I make it all come together with the idea of eventually becoming a mom.. hmmm

I am a bit lost in a lot of things. I need to find the motivation to figure it out, and move forward with my life confidently! Now, where to find it!?

1st Grade

I was finally a big kid; I stayed at school all day long, and had an actual number for a grade. As cool as that was, I didn't really like first grade; at least from what I can remember. The only memories are educational or not that pleasant.

I had Mrs. Burnah for my teacher at Salem Elementary. She was a pretty nice lady; she was in my ward as well.

Lets see what do I remember...

One morning our teacher had the class sing the alphabet as fast as we possibly could. After singing it about three times as fast as we could and we still weren't saying the letters fast enough. Mrs. Burnah taught us how to say the letters the "short way" (as in phonetically).

I peed my pants in the first grade too. Not really my pants; I was in a skirt! I was wearing this ugly jean skirt that had sunflower patches on the side. I remember it with detail because Mom really did not like the skirt, and when I peed in it mom made the statement that it must be a sign that I should never wear the skirt again.

The tire swing was probably the coolest part of the playground. I would eat my lunch as fast as I could so I could get out to the playground very first. I don't remember the teachers name but I remember going to drop off my food in the garbage and send the tray down the shoot when the teacher gave me the scariest look and told me I hadn't eaten enough of my food and I needed to go eat more. She was completely right but I was sourly disappointed because I didn't get to play on the tire swing.

We had a stop light in this school. If the light was green it was okay to go outside, red you had to play inside, and yellow it was up to your teacher (usually you had to have a coat). It was right outside the lunchroom door. There was one time in particular that I remember looking up at the light being excited that it was green and then being devastated because all of the buttons on the front of my shirt were undone. Who knows how long it had been like that.. Good thing I was only six!

This was the grade when I was introduced to all the cool things about grade school. Like those boards with pegs that you could make designs with the rubber bands. Or the really cool pattern block things.

... Not to mention recess!

I didn't have any friends but it still was fun. I don't have many memories of recess. The only two I remember really weren't that great.

1-I would always watch the older kids run up the slides the wrong way and look so happy when they made it to the top. I wanted to be like them. I ran across the gravel and made it about half way up the slide before I tripped and face planted it right onto the shiny metal surface. I of course started crying, and my nose started to bleed. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what really happened. I lied and told them I ran into a tree...So much better!

2- Remember the statement from above- the "I didn't have any friends" comment. Well, when I tried to make friends I got myself into trouble. Making grass nests became a pretty big deal. But we didn't have real eggs so they were always filled with gravel from the playground. In attempt to make more friends I lied to all the kids and told them that I had some eggs we could put in there- that way the birds would be confused and come and live in our nests that we made.

I didn't really have any eggs but there was a teacher who had some on display in one of the hallways. Yep, I stole an egg and lived it up for one whole recess. I remember Jessica Eggbert took the egg to class with her till we went out again. Her teacher recognized the egg and it got turned back on me, and I was caught. Once again I had the horrible guilt feeling of being ashamed when my sweet teacher looked at me all disappointed like and asked my why I stole the egg. That would have been a good enough punishment but I got into even bigger trouble when I got home. Dad said he wouldn't look at me because he didn't want to be friends with a liar. :( I hugged me eventually, and we were friends again. Spankings and a month grounding was included!

So This One Time!

So, I don't think that you realize what has happened. I know you all pay very close attention to the details in my life, and make mental notes of major events that happen, BUT even with that in consideration, I don't think you understand the magnitude of the situation we have at hand here. It's as big a lion, as small as a San Man, as cool as an amazing photograph, or blah blah blah! Basically it's a big deal.

It has been one year since I completely flipped my life upside down, and went in a completely different direction. I know you are all just as shocked as I was when I first thought about it- your minds must be just racing by the significance of that decision. As I have been thinking about it I think I have decided that the year of 2010 has probably been the most eventful year of my entire life! (I'm not that old but I don't think that it is going to surpass this past year anytime soon-as in the amount of big events)

1-I started the year with the crazy idea of switching schools and not being an Aggie anymore and then I actually followed through with it. Not only did I switch schools but with the help of Richard I managed to pull it off in a three day period of time!

2- I got into a major that I absolutely love and have made some wonderful contacts, and friends in the process.

3- I moved into BYU country and actually really like it here.

4- I WENT TO AFRICA-- I think this one should be on my list at least three time because of how cool it was.

5- T.V. got home from his mission (different turn of events that followed that were completely unexpected and really twisted around)

6- I bought a new camera to help me in pursuit of my photography

- I got my website up as well.

7- I started dating T.R. which has been amazing!

8- Relationships have definitely been more roller coaster like than any other year.

9- I finally got to live with the coolest people ever. my dear cousins!

10- I am in one of the best wards that I have ever been in, and have made some amazing friends.

11- Oh, and I have a trophy above my fireplace that I received because we got second place in my bowling league. It even has my name on it; it's pretty legit ;)

So, now it is January 2011 and I am happy to report that my life is pretty average these days. It of course is wonderful but thankfully uneventful. Eventful doesn't always mean enjoyable.

OH! I also quit my job at Sears. *Insert happy dance here*- and considering I can't dance it's more of just wiggle in my chair :) but no really. I have liked working at Sears but I don't know what it is I have really just hit my point that I can't handle it anymore. It's also not giving me the hours I need to even make it close to making it above water.

So, it's January and life is simply good.